Strange World

It's a strange world, my friends. Trust me, I know. Once again, I have posted an picture I find humorous. I hope you do, too. If not, you're reading the wrong blog. I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up. To be honest, I've felt like crap for a long time. It's all been emotional. of course, and I found that out yesterday. My blood pressure was 116/68 and my heart rate was 72. The nurse asked me point-blank, "what are you doing here?" I didn't have an answer....so, being who I am, I thought about it. I almost told her that I've felt like my heart was about to explode for almost three years now, that I wasn't for sure where to go, what to do, what to think, etc... Instead, I realized then and there what the answer should really be.

The answer is:

Life brought me there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Blah, blah, blah. You've got it a whole let better than________ (fill in the blank). And of course, the answer to that is - "You are right". Sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees. I do have it good. I have beautiful, healthy children. They love me; I love them. I hug them as often as a heterosexual male in his mid-40's is allowed. Probably a little more. Who (besides big brother) is watching? I still have my wits about me after the hell I've gone through, and I still know humor and humility. It's odd, but I still know that young, scared boy I used to be. He still exists within this flesh....he's just a little harder to find in the mirror these days :) But, he's still there. He still dreams and he still loves and he still cares. I'm reminded of the title of a book by one of my favorite writers, Harlan Ellison. That book title is THE BEAST THAT SHOUTED LOVE AT THE HEART OF THE WORLD.

Sometimes, I feel like that beast.

Sometimes, I hear a distant echo and wonder if anyone heard.

Sometimes, I know they did.

That's enough...for now.

Hope everyone is well. More, when I have more to say. And, Stephanie...sorry if this post is confusing. As I said, I'm a complex person. But, I am also a beast with a lot of love in my heart. A contradiction? You better believe it....but that's who I am and I can't change it.

Roger