Harbinger of the End

The end is coming, my friends. Seems like yesterday I was sitting on my couch watching the New Year come in.

Time flies.

There have been so many changes over the past year. And, as mentioned in the previous post, I have much to be thankful for. This year has been one of transition. There were moments when I thought I might go completely mad....and beautiful moments that I will never forget. I could go into detail on both variables, but I think steady readers of my blog will understand. So, why the dark and foreboding title to this post? Well, next Saturday is the first of December. One month left in the year. December is a sad month, in my opinion, kinda the underdog of the year. Christmas not withstanding, December is kind of a bummer in my book. Like that old cartoon with the Baby New Year getting lost and the new year not being able to start, I wonder what the new year will bring each of us. Certainly, 2008 will start out a better year than 2007 did for me. At least, I'm pretty sure it will. I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions....you know the old standards, "lose weight", "exercise more", "find this or that". Well the former two are on the list for this year again. I will ponder other resolutions over the coming month. I will do my best to put 2007 - at least, the bad parts of 2007 - out of my mind next year. I guess what I'm trying to say here is this: December is the harbinger of the end, but it's also the harbinger of good things to come.

Stay safe this holiday season, my friends. Let's meet here a year from now and see where 2008 has taken us.
Okay?

Roger

How to be thankful

Been thinking about Thanksgiving. Thanks and giving. Two words. Two words that mean a lot, I think. Stephanie texted me at work and asked me to meet her for a drink at 4:10. I sat across from her and said to myself "This is a great gal." So, I am truly thankful to be with her. She is a good woman. I believe that....and, trust me, I wouldn't say so if I didn't think so. I've had my heart stomped on and I'm a tad cynical still yet...but not about Stephanie. It's weird....I knew when I saw her pushing a stroller around that I would get to know her. Don't ask me how...I just did. I am thankful to have a woman who cares for me. I care for her, too. And, ultimately, at the end of the day, that's what really matters.

I am also thankful for my three children, all of whom I love dearly. Sometimes, it's difficult to realize that. But, Thanksgiving is (and should be) a day we pay thanks for what we HAVE, and not what we WANT.

I am thankful for what I have. I've been cynical about love for quite some time, but I am thankful for all those I do love. My father died at the ripe old age of 50. I'm 46 now. Trust me when I tell you I feel the hands of time scratching at my back. Love while you can, my friends. It's the only thing that truly matters.

Roger

Love, part 2

Well, the divorce is final. I got a surprise call from my lawyer on Tuesday saying I had to sign a waiver. I drove over to Marion yesterday and signed the paper that sent the last ten years of my life finally and inextricably into the past forever. Oddly enough, I slept like a baby last night (and Tuesday night, for that matter). My heart was punched so much over the past year and a half that, now, the callouses have hardened into a tough and resilient outer shell.

That is what I want to talk about tonight, gentle readers.....the prospect of new love after a horrible assault on your heart. Trust me, I'm something of an authority on the subject now. But, I also found a wonderful woman without whom the past several days might have been very difficult indeed to live through. Stephanie told me a few weeks ago that I looked better rested than when we first got together. My response was simple - "Can you guess why?" After a moment, she smiled. She has eased my pain and given me a new lease on life in a lot of ways. I've told her many times that we needed to take things slow and easy, let them work out in their own sweet time, but I have made leaps and bounds back toward feeling like a human being again....and I owe it all to her sweetness and compassion.

So, I guess what I'm saying is this: time will heal your pain, my friend. It will make you realize there IS a reason to carry on, a reason to fight for that every-elusive beast called love. Stephanie has proven to me that good women truly do exist. Trust me, for over a year I've had a lot of crap slung at me (hence the humorous clipart attached to this post) and I felt like crawling in a hole and throwing the dirt over me. Not any longer, my friends. There's still some fight in me.

On that note, I have hardcovers of my poetry collection, ALL SUMMER LONG, available for sell. I'll post them on my website soon and in local stores in the coming weeks, but you can e-mail me if you want a copy. rtrexler@siu.edu.

Hope everyone is doing well....and, believe me, this isn't the last post on love.

More as things develop.

later, Roger

Beans and Greens

I've been meaning to post something new all week but have been lazy. There's really not that much new to report, I guess. I wrote another little short story for the Clarity of Night blogspot (www.clarityofnight.blogspot.com) for their new contest. Wrote it in about five minutes then fretted over it for an hour till it was exactly 250 words. Like the last entry of its nature, the story is "inspired" by a picture posted on the website. This time around, the story is called "Hidden Fire". Check it out. I hope you enjoy it.

The title of this blog entry is thanks to the lovely Ms. Stephanie. The other night, she started talking about making ham and beans at the Y.E.S. dinner we went to. We stopped at the grocery store and she bought some collard greens, too. The next day, she called me over for a dinner of ham and beans and collard greens. It was delicious. You did a great job, Stephanie. Give yourself a pat on the back.

Like I said: she's a keeper.

Anyway, I figured a new entry was required, so here it is. I will try to finish HELL IN THE HEARTLAND this weekend. I once again have a window of opportunity. We'll see if it gets completed. Looks like the low-budget movie, THE BIG MUDDY MONSTER, will be put off until next month, maybe even early next year. I'm so far behind I think I'm ahead.

Hope everyone is well. More later, Roger

Love, part 1

I've been pondering the concept known as "love" for quite some time now. As readers of my blog will attest, the past year and a half have been hard on your humble author. That's all right....I'm tough and I can handle things. For those who aren't acquainted with my blog, I'll cut to the chase. My wife, with whom I'd been with for almost a decade, moved out after finishing nursing school last year. It devastated me. I loved her very much. But, that said, I also knew she didn't love me. That didn't stop the devastation, didn't stop the hurt when she laughed at me and openly flaunted "the other man" in my face. We could go into details, but there's no point. That "love" is over with. Stick a fork in it, throw the burnt and nasty-tasting thing in the garbage. Microwave something instead. It'll satiate your hunger better than that "love."

Flash forward a year and some change. I met a woman. Actually, I think we met each other. Well, that's probably not true, either. I kept seeing her around and, eventually, the notion that she was a beautiful woman overpowered the pain in my heart and told me to try and win her heart. I tried.....and, much to my surprise, I think I have. She certainly has won mine. Stephanie is, perhaps, the most wonderful woman I've ever known. I feel like I've known her forever, and we've only dated two months! I am totally thankful to know her and I wish I'd met her years ago. This is a woman with heart and integrity....and, as I've said before, "she's mine....get your own." Any gal who'll dress up as Raggedy Ann for you....well, you better keep her around.

Words of wisdom from your humble author.

More on love later, Roger